|Yes, I decided he is a he. |
No matter now, since I am no longer his owner...
So, in case you ever find yourself in the same situation, here's what to do.
How to Mail an Elephant1. Buy the largest mailing envelope known to mankind.
2. Wrap the elephant in packing paper, conveniently repurposed from your recent *free* merchandise.
3. Cut two rectangles of cardboard just larger than your elephant and just smaller than the largest mailing envelope known to mankind.
4. Make an elephant sandwich with the cardboard and...
5. Wrap the cardboard-elephant sandwich with a generous layer of packing tape.
6. (optional) Scrawl your heartfelt note on the cardboard-elephant-tape sandwich.
7. Slide the cardboard-elephant-tape sandwich into the largest mailing envelope known to mankind.
8. Peel and stick the adhesive part of the largest mailing envelope known to mankind and then proceed to apply more tape because you know you (meaning I) can't trust that adhesive. This is an elephant, after all.
9. Drop the elephant in the mailbox (with proper postage, of course) and then go home and read the classic Never Mail an Elephant, written by Mike Thaler and illustrated by Jerry Smith and be glad you mailed a cardboard elephant with no flesh or bones or feelings.
(Rhyme on purpose)